so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
