I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
