Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
