I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
