You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
