trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
