And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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