I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
