Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
