no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
