well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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