you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will pee on everything he values.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
