You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
