Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
