I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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