Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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