He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
