dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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