see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
