Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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