Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We are two peas in an std pod
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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