high people should be assigned attendants
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
