i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
