my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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