glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
