im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life is so much better after having sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
