If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
