Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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