we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
