I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
