did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
