apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
