so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
