Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
