I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
