dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
