If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got inside last night via doggy door
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
