You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
