last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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