I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
