ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
