According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
