He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
