so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
