Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
