READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
