no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
