My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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