I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
