i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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