guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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