marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
