An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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