Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
