This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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